Some middles

Self analysis; the lens of middle.

Reading your guy's posts I found them very contemplative and as I was thinking about my own post I realized it was very different: cheery pictures of the inside of veggies!

But this is very much in tune with how my life has been lately; cheery pictures of veggies basically sums it up. I haven't been thinking as much, haven't been contemplating or analyzing. Like when Jullianne mentioned that I told her I wanted to reconcile change and stability--I have not given that any thought in months. I have been very happy and excited about things like sunsets and the colors of the vegetables and beautiful market displays. I have been letting my emotions out, being honest with how I feel to myself and others. I have been letting myself get frustrated with people and snapping at them. I feel like a child living my life this way.

Then I started thinking about my recent history using a metaphor of an ocean (warning: this becomes ridiculous). During high school I was an undersea creature. There was a lot of pressure down there and it was dark; I couldn't see very well, or move around freely; I felt trapped. Then I floated up into the middle of the ocean waters; this was exciting--there were so many new things, more light, more movement. But these ocean currents were scary and overwhelming and chaotic. Plus I felt like I was drowning a whole lot. Then I swam up all the way to the surface. It's very bright up here and there is a whole lot of happiness. But the brightness makes me lazy and stuns the thoughts out of me. I spend a lot of time staring at the ripples in the water and the clouds moving slowly by. I have forgotten most of what I was preoccupied with beneath the surface. I have become superficial.

So what's next? I hope it's flying around. I like flying. Maybe I'll think about flying really hard tonight before I go to sleep and then I'll have flying dreams.