A couple of weeks ago Amanda, one of the interns, brought some of her city friends to the farm. She got up at 5:30am with the rest of us to help load the van for the market. Once Michaele left she went back to bed in her tent with her two city boys; she slept for another three hours while the rest of us went to work in the fields. Once the sun had risen higher the three stumbled out of their tent and out to join us weeding in the fields. One of the boys mentioned a question his housemate asked him recently: "which do you like better: the beginning, middle or end". I think this is an interesting way to consider things. The other boy, more of a cynic, said "yeah, then you end up talking about nothing for hours". I retorted "So what do you prefer talking about, starvation in Africa? Is that talking about something?"
But he had a good point--that it is quite a vague question and it really depends on what it is. If it is something you dislike you will prefer the end; and you will like the beginning and middle best when it is something you really love.
Thinking about this question I realized that generally I love beginnings and I don't usually mind ends too much, but I have a problem with middles. I love the excitement and anticipation that comes with beginnings: they are times of potential and pure possibility. I probably like ends of things because they are also the beginning of something else. But I often find that in the middle of things I am not content--I am continuously looking forward to the next beginning. I have trouble being in the moment; enjoying the now. The unexciting, the normal, the middle of things. And this is what most of life is: the middle. Middles are where things are built and where things grow. I often get myself through the middle of things by planning new things, new beginnings. But is this a good way to be? Always consumed with plans for the future; preventing me from focusing on what is happening to me right now.
So I suppose this is why I suggested it as a theme; I would like to try to come to terms with middles and get better at appreciating them.
I've been thinking about beginnings and endings lately; less about middles, but your post got me on the ball. My feelings have changed quite a bit during the past 2.5 months (a kind of excitement about being back in the city caused me, I think, to act certain ways; then I developed a kind of rhythm; and now I'm just sort of...rolling on out. I feel like I'm rolling on out, like I'm living an end rather than pursuing a beginning, which would be life in Conway). Still, I feel as though the idea of beginnings, middles and ends also becomes obsolete for me sometimes. When I think about everything that happened today, I'm overwhelmed. If I wanted to, I could definitely peg a beginning, middle and end to the last 15 hours. Wake up, beginning. Now, end. But there were beginnings, middles and ends within situations & even within moments (if you want to get funky with time). I had a conversation with Hannah today that seemed like a beginning-middle-end event in and of itself. It seemed to progress through regions and then end in a totally different place from where it began.
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